On the Shelf 8.23.2012

This week, McSweeny's had me in stitches once again. Teddy Wayne's parody of pre-teen fan fiction is a gem.“The Middle School Dance” by Melissa Bell, Age 13 is the funniest thing I've read in ages. Some crowning moments:

'“Why are you alone?” he questioned, his dark hair flowing like a dark river." 

"She was pretty in a very subtle way that not everyone understood at first, just as her mother told her. “Since U Been Gone” started playing. “This is my favorite song,” said Ashton. “It is my favorite too,” answered back Marisa. “I always try to request it on TRL but I can never get through.”' 

"Ashton took Melissa by the hand and they slow danced. She felt she could stay in his arms 4EVA. The chaperone Mr. Burlick the Earth Science teacher did not enforce the twelve-inch rule because he saw how important this was to Marisa and to Ashton. At that moment he decided to give Marisa an “A.”' 

This story is so, unbelievably bad. That's what makes it brilliant. 

To me, what gives this piece its punch is the author itself. How is it that a grown man can so masterfully tap into the insecurities of a pre-teen girl, casually intermingling pop culture cliches with sickening melodrama?

"The Middle School Dance" made me laugh, made me cringe, and made me feel for the slightly-pathetic Melissa/Marissa Bell/Ball. But most of all, it made me really really not miss middle school.

I've also just begun to delve into Dave Egger's A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.

The jury's still out on this one. I can't decide: either Eggers is a comedic mastermind, or he's just too arrogant for his own good.